The reimagining of Suzumya Haruhi
by hernan815
Summary: A story that will never submit to the heroes journey


**The reimagining of Suzumya Haruhi**

Have you ever heard the one that goes like this – can God create a stone so heavy that he cannot lift? – I remember hearing it sometime ago and it didn't stay in my taught for long because it didn't help me get a job or money… but it's peculiar that we fight paradoxes in times of uncertainty, especially if the mind is light in other processes.

When you're older you learn the nature of obvious things, like paradoxes are not intended to be solved, they're supposed to challenge what we consider statements and try to keep us from districting ourselves with shiny things. I always remain combative when it comes to certainties and really distrustful of the paranormal.

I always try to project a serious character with small room for playfulness and always tackle every problem proactively with an effort proportional to its inherent gravity, in other words boring, but such a stoic character would be perfect for a normal story. After meeting Haruhi two things occurred to me, the first is that i wish I was way more charming and the second is that I really love shiny things.

1

I was in the blissful depression of not having a job when my phone rings the ring of hope, it was the agency saying that my self-pity days were over –can you start on Monday? We are in the middle of an odd project and we really need you – he sounded defeated in a very familiar way –yes, of course, I'll be there nice am sharp – I scream a mute celebration and ponder a second about how to thank Taniguchi, I guess that I should invite him a couple of drinks.

Taniguchi knew I was having trouble finding a job so as soon as he heard of a position in the graphic design team of his agency he made the call immediately, the pay was bad and the hours long, so it was a definitive yes. The interview was an uncommon piece in the ridiculous times to come, that's to say that things got super weird real fast as nine past 2 minutes.

The agency is in the 11 floor, when I got there I was welcomed immediately by a beautiful Asakura Ryoko, secretary to the to all teams, she makes sure that nobody's heads roll at the end of the day after the most tinny issue emerges between workers – Kyon is it? Taniguchi told me about you already – of course he already told her – let me take you to your work place – she didn't even let me respond – nice to meet you my name is Asakura Ryoko, just call me Ryoko – the first of millions of informalities in Watahashi/Tamaru advertising – please follow me – I comply still without an opening for talking or complain, the space was a caricature of my imagination in an illogical way, a full set of drums on the way with its sticks still on top, pass that was the kitchen just in front of accounting where I saw someone grab the whole coffee-maker and take it to accounting, a little from that was Tsu– this is Tsuruya, she's the head of the team that handles the clients – Ryoko got ahead of me, Tsuruya was (what can only be described as) drinking ibuprofen with a huge and hypnotic smile – here we are, remember when you're screaming that is not that they're not listening, is that they don't want to – and with a smile and the lack of an actual conversation she deposits me in the entrance of the graphic design space, which was right in the middle of the whole office, the door has a knife carving in front : S.O.S. send help team.

I open the door expecting the worst but I find the illogical, two of the most ridiculously good looking people I've seen in my life doing nothing in front of their computers –hello my name is – he interrupted me – Kyon is it? Taniguchi told us about you already, her name is Nagato Yuki and my name is Koizumi Itsuki, you can call me Itsuki – then Nagato-san told me – you can call me Yuki – those were short live honorifics – this is your computer, I hope you don't decent in to madness – she said with a smile pointing at what I learnt to call home.

The subsequent lull of confusion was interrupted by the last two puzzle pieces, including the mountain of madness. Haruhi and Mikuru entered the office without much care. Especial attention must be pay to the fact that Mikuru was 1) beautiful voluptuous woman and 2) she was dressing perfectly except for the detail that she was only wearing a bra to cover her voluptuousness. – Kyon! – (Of course) – Good to see you, tell me, does Miku makes you want to smoke? – Haruhi asked as she knew me for years, in respond to the absurd situation I was facing I could respond in logic – maybe if she was smoking one – I expected a reply that… at this point I don't know what to expect – you're on to something – Haruhi replies while leaving the room.

In between computers and lack of structure, the plot that was my work environment found a safe haven – Kyon, are you free tonight? We would like to get to know you better if you want – Miku asked ignoring the stupid situation as if it was a daily occurrence – I'd love too, we are at first name basis already? - Itsuki took it from there – it's a company thing, they say it helps us feel comfortable and as such we feel better at interacting – he responded with a stupid grin in his face, but then Yuki added – it saves time and money – and finally something I understand. Haruhi returns with cigarettes in hand and barks an order at me – Kyon do what you're paid for and draw me a smoking women –

Haruhi is like getting punched in the hair, weird enough to make sense. We were supposed to have already finished a cigarette campaign (that explains the rush to get me to work) that currently was going for a sex sells vibe. Haruhi liked a lot of random things but something became obvious immediately, she hated boredom with extreme prejudice. She didn't stop moving all day until we got some art that she called – Is this really the best you can do? – after getting my phone number and twitter she just grab a bottle of something of her desk on her way out – today was a good one thanks to you Kyon – Itsuki said to me on our way out.

At the end of the day I was exhausted, but i spent all day doing what I was good at and that's a great feeling, on top of that I got a date with my coworkers. There´re a thing that I can put out with like the weirdest workplace imaginable, but what was to come is the kind of thing I prefer not to know. Not for the responsibility but for my sanity.

2

I call my sister to inform her of the current situation and try to establish a time line in case of the worst, it's always the two of us in the house since dad died and mom works as much as she can. Mom has a shark focus on life, keep swimming or sink, as I already said I'm a boring person and as such I think the solution is through a problem instead of around. In contrast to us my sister is the moral compass of the family, giving every problem its proper solution, every sad story its proper tear and every joke its proper laugh.

We headed to a bar close to the agency just to pass it by and go straight for the train station – don't worry Kyon we're going to our favorite spot – Itsuki stated in respond to my confusion with that stupid grin he makes – were is Haruhi? – I ask while considering the error of my ways – Haruhi doesn't stop, she's more force of nature than a person, regardless we need to talk – Yuki replies while entering the station.

We entered a pretty small coffee shop in the station, decorated with a table for four, a radio vomiting pop music and a peculiarly well-dressed employ that as soon as we sat, he got out and close from the outside and that's not the part where I start panicking. When homicidal sect thoughts crossed my mind I looked at my coworkers, Yuki's demeanor changed completely and now she just look directly at me without even blinking, Mikuru sit down while lighting a cigarette and Itsuki just pointed at the four chair and said – please Kyon, we got a small and strange conversation ahead of us.

– What's happening? – I said expecting the worst answer possible.

– Have you ever thought of what would you say to god if you got the chance? – Itsuki responded.

– What do you mean? Are you trying to sell me a religion? – I noted myself descending in to panic

– what if I tell you that Haruhi is not what it looks like – he loses the grin for old blues ayes

– I said, what do you mean? Please – I don't know how to react to this, I'm feeling sick

– Have you ever watched a superhero movie or – Itsuki keep insisting

– Or read something about time travel – interrupted Mikuru on the verge of my panic attack

– How about I go and we don't talk about this anymore and… – full stop

…ZZZ

– Maybe we overestimated the Haruhi modus operandi – Yuki said while caressing my hair. I was lying in her couch, too obtuse to ask for an explanation – you're in my apartment, don't worry, everything's fine – the room was quiet and comforting, the beautiful woman playing with my hair was the cherry on top of course. After a minute she moved to the table where she prepared tea, her movements were precise and definitive, dressed in shorts with a star wars shirt without her glasses (which is super-hot). I approached my tea trying to collect my thoughts because even I could tell that they were about to be scrambled.

– I'm going to talk in the most sensible manner possible, please do not interrupt me with stupid questions – Yuki said with a level of disrespect so high that might as well be respectful.

– Haruhi has a higher level of manipulation of how the world is perceived than your average person – i was all ears, for some reason my bullshit intake limit was at an all-time high – when Haruhi detects that the world gets stuck on procedure, things like the laws of physics or time or causality, Haruhi tends to fiddle with both the reality and how we perceive it – for a second there I found myself thinking of way this didn't sound so stupid, but then I went back to listening.

– The result is a series of scenes more akin to a movie or TV than what is usually perceived as day to day life, in other words, never a dull moment with Haruhi – I finished my tea as soon as she finished her idiotic explanation, and then in the corner of my eye I noticed someone, Ryoko was in the room, sitting in a table right next to Yukis phone. She was dressed in shorts and sweater, cross-legged with a volatile expression on her face.

– I don't think this is working – Ryoko said with tired look, I felt an idea in her mind

– What are you doing in here? I told you I would handle – Yuki was interrupted by a gunshot to her face

– Well Kyon as you can see my patience is running awfully thin – she said while moving slowly towards me

– You see, this may be the beginning of your shift – she kicked the table and pointed the handgun at my head – but I'm getting f*cking tired of Haruhis never-ending parade of dumbness – she knelt over my legs and pointing the gun at my stomach. Adrenaline pumping trough my veins made everything happened in slow motion, a quarter of a second later the knife pierced her skull, Yuki pushed her to the ground and started to press the knife with all of her might while the gun discharged twice, the sound of the bones cracking was surreal and extremely disgusting; Although I did have a lingering sense of familiarity.

When Ryoko wasn't moving anymore Yuki said – I'm sorry for her actions, I can assure you her hearth was in the right place – Yuki got up and rested her body for a second. She appeared to be examining the room and making sure that everything was in its place – don't worry, it looks like a gun and functions like a gun, but it's not… it's complicated… nobody hear anything outside this room – she made a funny face in the middle

Yuki moved to inspect me – are you hurt anywhere? – She asks me while forgetting her gunshot wound. My inability to descent into panic was now obvious – what about you Yuki? I think gunshots wounds are pretty serious – She cleans the blood from her wound with a napkin reviling the lack of wound itself – don't worry about me, I've been prepared for this for some time now and she's also going to be fine too – she looked at Ryoko and sighed.

Yuki took me into her room saying that there's still one last thing to deal with, I was hoping that it had something to do with her bed and a minimum amount of clothes but it was a more what you need rather than what you want situation –Kyon, you surely are asking why haven't you freak out yet, well I've been helping with that but I'm going to have to turn it off, so it's time for your questions – it only took me a few seconds to gather a priority.

– What are you? –

– Irrelevant –

– Am I in danger? –

– As much as everything in the universe –

– What is that supposed to mean? –

– If Haruhi deemed the world to boring, we believe possible that she could start over –

– like from the beginning? –

– More like changing pieces in a board game till it transforms into a more pleasurable victory –

– What about the rest of us? Everyone at work? –

– Ryoko is as irrelevant as I am, Itsuki is fulfilling his function and Mikuru is constantly running out of time –

– Why are you being so cryptic? –

– For your own good – she gave me couple of seconds and grabs my hand. I initially felt a rush of blood trough my head but then all of the emotion, confusions, indignation and the need to punch something. All of them in my head having a drunken fist fight; in the end i could only seem to manifest mute anger. I squeeze her hand harder and try my best not to punch her.

3

The morning came with a weird taste in my mouth; I slept in Yukis bed without the mood for fantasies. The whole morning was painted in a compliant quiet, there wasn't much conversation from shower to breakfast but in the elevator when Ryoko joined us for our unique commute to work i was hit by an epiphany – have you noticed that everyone in the agency looks like models except for me? – Both of them looked at me slowly and remained in silence.

When we arrived at our destination when another peculiarity claim my attention – Don't pay attention to that kind of stuff, it's only gonna get stranger from here – Yuki said to me after noticing me looking at our office building, which was the only skyscraper in the residential area. We said see you at lunch to Ryoko and walked to the art department, no one have arrived yet so we sat in our respective computers without much fanfare. I was about to ask Yuki something when she interrupts – there are a couple of options – she removes her glasses – the scariest one is that she knows exactly what she's doing, she even knows that we know and doesn't care about anything except for not being bored – she started cleaning the glasses – the most probable theory is that she's not aware of what she's doing and her whims governs our daily lives – she puts her glasses back – whichever the case, we are at her mercy – I waited a few seconds and said – I was going to ask where is I.T.? – She surrendered to a relax smile and told me details of work.

Haruhi enter the office drunk on power – Kyon! Good, we have a lot of work and very little time – of course we do – we need to finish the smoking campaign or is it cigarette campaign ¿?, don't worry it's just the art but we need you somewhere else now – I was needed by Tsuruya-San hmm, I don't even know Tsuruya last name. When i got there, I found Tsuruya and Itsuki already at it; it was my first campaign from the conception, so it was surely going to be hard and strange.

It was a simple job for a simple product; everybody needs fabric softener, after a couple of ideas Tsuruya left to have strong words with marketing witch leaves me to have a very peculiar conversation with the captain of the ship. The bastard filled me with hope right before – have you thought about our predicament? – Itsuki sounded like he was trying to be sensible – I heard what happened with Ryoko, I hope you're fine – It sounded like he meant it, witch make my answer angrier – I'm fine, Yuki kept me on "need to know basis" but I think our "predicament" it's not my direct concern – he smiles a very punch wordy smile and said to me – we're gonna have to talk about structure – I got up and moved to the door – call me when your butt's not doing the talking –

I decided to stop by Ryoko's desk for a much needed brutal honesty. She was working envelope by normality until our eyes met; she changed to predator mode – the latest soul to the call, what brings you here, something fun? – even her body language changed from confortable to playful, I respond with defiance – I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary yet, but what about you? How's the head – the conversation entered a nice flow – thanks for your concern, I'm as perfect as ever – she smirked indicating her mood for peace and continued relaxing a bit more – you know that everyone has a function in here, I mean from real life jobs to the way we interact with Haruhi – she indirectly pointed at a client leaving – he's here because he actually needs our services, but to Haruhi he's one more color for her coloring book, Itsuki is the indulgent but level headed one, Mikuru her partner in crime, Yuki's always there to push the red button when necessary – she got up to loosened my tie – but I still can't figure out what's your function my handsome Kyon – When Haruhi interrupted she sat and waved her hand goodbye. I was dumfounded, Unable to surrender to the Haruhi dictatorship but extremely curious of its structure.

Dealing with Haruhi is like hitting a wall made of everything ever except a wall material; hmm… it's kind of like a box of chocolate. Everyone was frustrated; we've reached that point in the day where you get worst at what you're doing. It was 6 pm and I was learning something weird about Haruhi, she expects the world out of people and the universe out of the world – this is too stupid, bland and hardcore boring – Haruhi said while looking Mikurus work on some internet banners – it's only the banner Haru – she interrupted me by breaking her keyboard with her drawing tablet. It was disgust that wrap up her anger, it only made sense to her, but she didn't know that and she didn't care – everybody go home – I was getting my stuff when – not you Kyon, I need you for the cigarette add – of fucking course.

– What do you mean? Now? – Itsuki gives me a smile on his way out

– We need to finish it by tomorrow – Yuki looked at me with wary eyes

– Please Haruhi, I'll stay and help you, it's my fault – Mikuru tries to help me

– It's time to go home Miku – Mikuru left without looking at me

Her childish stubbornness made me furious but any contrariness would result in more, so I put out with it. Haruhi made me work until the very end, with result in a design about a twenty something girl that works in bonny costume getting her cigarette lighted by a handsome guy in a suit, it fits the required demographic and more important – good work Kyon – it calms the beast. I was hungry and tired, ready to throw a tantrum when Haruhi looked at me with defiant eyes that dissolved into empathy – come on, I'll buy you diner – she said while giving up control and giving me something to work with.

The place she took me was a very warm and classic restaurant with only one row of tables and only the two of us as its clients. Haruhi ordered yakisoba so I did the same out of whim, I wasn't very good with alcohol but I could see that Haruhi loved it from a million year away so while I had a beer she ordered all of them. After we were done with the food we shared a last drink that led to the melancholy of Suzumya Haruhi

– I try not to be like that, I mean I'm never like that – she broke the silence

– Is just, why do you always have an answer? – I swallow my last sip

– I don't, my hostility comes from a more stupid place –

– Then let's hear it, I love stupid things –

– And I love boring things, the dynamic of the room always evolves into absolutes – I smile to myself – so i try to challenge your pressure with a bit of objectivism – she manages to disarm me – I just try to meet you half way –

– Not at all what I was thinking – she said finishing her last drop – do you want… have a safe trip home Kyon –

While she was preparing I asked – what were you thinking? – She gave me a last friendly smile and answer – a world with one more possibility –

When I left I noted a hint of sadness in the night, maybe I was the sad one.

4

Today was IT day, Haruhi told us that she wanted faster a computer (wanted, not needed) so she ordered Mikuru and me to go have a word with the head of IT. Miku moves with qualm, she was really beautiful, but you get the feeling that she's afraid of what's up ahead so the lack of confidence counteracts her presence. In the end, IT said that our request was taken for consideration and that they will have an answer for us at the end of day. I wasn't going to waste a free minute so I invited Miku to take a break.

Mikuru sat next to me and lighted a cigarette, she enjoyed our confortable silence that ended in – sorry about the other day, Haruhi being Haruhi – my drink felted cold in my hand – it's ok, we made our peace with yakisoba – she gives me a roguish smile and said – I guess that mountains do fit in frames – back to weird, I looked at her in confusion – I'm sorry Kyon, we didn't have time to talk, we… I owe you an explanation. But a don't have much for you – I decided to fight the misinformation with a callback – I suppose time is not your forte – she looked confused for a second and then she decided to give me a little bit of time – all right Kyon, I'll give you something, get out early today, around five twenty three and wait at the entrance of the park two block from here – it was so specific and strange I didn't noticed her flying kiss, I throw away mi coke and went back into the madhouse.

On my way there I funded a smiling Itsuki; he looked concerned and a bit weary, which is to say really out of character for him – Kyon, may I have a word with you, don't worry my inner asshole is not doing the talking – giving the peculiar circumstances – jure – was my reply. Itsuki it's always characteristically snarky, so when he armed himself in integrity, it made me scare.

– I'm sorry for my behavior the day we met, I promise to be more subtle next time – he said in our way to the conference room – I said it's ok already, by the way, what happen to me that night – we sat opposing each other – Yuki putted you to sleep, she thought it would be easier just the two of you. I guest she was right – he took a moment and – you deserve some honesty, I'm a very particular entity… I'm a peculiarity of Haruhi's circumstances; I like to think I'm a reaction to an action –

– Why are you telling me this? – I reached the limit with this people

– We all have different books but all of them have an end, i think you feel it too – he hits the right nerve here – it feels like Haruhi is getting anxious and extremely impatient –

I decided to leave my cards on the table – I still don't believe that Haruhi can do what you told me, all I know is that… it's like everything is waiting and none of you are what you look like –

– I don't think we can afford to underestimate Haruhi – he grabbed his nape while he said it, it looked like a nervous tic.

Only me a Yuki remain in our office, everyone else find themselves dragged by causality. Yuki looked straight at my without shame, like she is known to do and said – I'm not going to fill you with warnings and half information, but I need to tell you that around Haruhi everyone has a particular role to play – I kept looking at the window, the outside looked oblivious to the absurdities of the inside – Ryoko already told me something about that, I'm not going to surrender my existence to the mighty Haruhi yet – I looked directly at her eyes, understandably she averted her gaze.

While I waited at the fable entrance of the park I couldn't help but to think of all of the stupid things that now populate my dally life. Yuki and Ryoko seem to be cut by the same knife, Itsuki it's a bit of an asshole but I think he acts on Haruhis behalf, Miku it's the puzzle that you solve when you stop thinking about it. The landscape of my life still feels surreal, not only the hope that everyone will stop the joke, but the ticking countdown to the panic attack if everything is real.

Like a plot point set by a writer, Haruhi came walking to me stunned with my presence – Kyon, what are you doing here? – She was drying the tears of her cheeks – Haruhi… are you ok? Were you crying? – The situation, my presence was way down the list of thing she didn't what it to deal with – why do you care what I'm doing, why are you here of all places and times, why you? – Her tears turn into frustration.

– I'm only trying to help, please don't star a fight –

– What if I need to start a fight, what if you're only make it worst –

– Then talk to me, maybe I can help you –

– You're so fucking boring; I don't need a knight in blue armor ready to save his waifu from her stupidity, what are you going to do? – she was walking around me while getting angrier, I started to notice the dark of night and the absence of people in the street – are you going to take me on a date and f*ck me all night? – I could see it in her eyes – you're so boring, everything is so boring… why do I even bother with you? – Her anger turned into resignation.

– Haruhi, I –

– you know what Kyon, maybe when I was young and the world looked bigger, but not now – she walked away defeated by herself

I know what they were saying before, Haruhi was descending… but where could this lead? I felt her never ending hatred against not only the pieces of her life, but the arrangements, the nature of things. A kid that gets tired with reality uses his imagination to deal with it; Haruhi constantly uses her talents to make things interesting for her. If what Yuki says it's possible, could Haruhi really get tired enough to start again?

5

When I was little I always distracted myself drawing, I always considered a hobby because cartoonist or mangaka are hard business to find succeed in. However I decided to capitalize on doodles for a living and it was going pretty good until Haruhi, so in the interest of having an anchor to reality I started drawing after diner. The worst it could happen is that I get better at it; however today session is pronounced by Haruhi's sadness. She always sends me a tweet or a mail with a picture of something lewd in it… she always seemed like a creature of wild nature and a smile behind her every action makes her the most dangerous type.

Why do I like people like her, I'm the complete opposite, so why do girls like her pop into my mind... It was Sasaki all over again. In the mist that were my thoughts the drawing was finish by inertia, it was a sketch of Haruhi enjoying a coffee dressed only with an honest smile at the moment – I guess I do have a type – then my phone started ringing; Haruhi was in the display

– What's up? It's something wrong? –

– Oh, Kyon… I'm sorry, ehhh… I mean –

– It's ok, just breathe, and think what you want to say, then say it – I heard the outside on the phone

– Kyon, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for my behavior –

– I accept your apologies and I'm also sorry for pushing you –

– See, you always have an answer, always a comment on everything, always opposing me – she sounded tired

– Are you ok Haruhi? – She waited a few seconds and – when I was little I met a funny guy that always says yes to my increasingly dumb requests… I thought I loved him, it turns out I just love the idea of him – that's one more mystery – I'm sorry for bothering you so late – a joke sounded like the best play – it's ok, how about we start a little late tomorrow and we call it even – her answer felt a bit better – see what I mean… ok, time to go to bed –

– Oyasuminasai, Kyon –

– Oyasuminasai, Haruhi –

There goes again… all roller-coasters find a tranquil moment; Then again it always does right before the biggest dive. Haruhi finds her words and it went to sleep on better spirits, I hope she's ok, it happened just a few minutes before we met. On another related topic, Mikuru display a strange level of premonition. Many things were starting to fall into place, Yuki, Mikuru, Itsuki and dropping stars with a shotgun was Haruhi.

I guess it's time to put some clothes in this cartoonish Haruhi or should I make her even more naked, that was the pleasure of creation… hmm peculiar position indeed. The phone ring once again like trying to say "really man?" it was a mail communicating time and place for a date with Mikuru, by Mikuru.

Mikuru is in many respects extremely bold, she could effortlessly wear heels with a tight dress on a Saturday noon, and made it look like she didn't even care. She is very straightforward when it comes to impose her opinion and used her sexuality like a throne that puts her beyond your reach. As per usual, I was proven wrong when she appears before me in braided hair and a Depeche mode T-shirt.

In these cold days a date in a family restaurant felt a little weird for Mikuru's character, but now it makes sense. She sat in front of me after taking of her coat and asked for coffee with a smile. She looked a million times more beautiful without makeup and her greeting filled me with fuzzy feelings – What's up Kyon, sorry to take time from you, but I thought that maybe you wanted to talk about yesterday – it took me a couple of seconds to open my mouth – hello… why are you dress like that?! – she gave me a loving smile and – It's the same as before, I can't talk about everything for fear of what may happen… think of our situation and its characters as a complex mathematical equation; as such, nobody wants to make things harder by mistake. I like you to think of this me as the real me, if possible –

I collected my thoughts as our coffee arrived – I know that everything that you tell me is likely true, and what you don't tell me is for my own good… but my boring nature makes me fall into disbelieve – her smile remained unbroken – you're more adventurous than you think, just give it time – she laughed with confidence – tell me about you Kyon, I want to hear it again –

When the time came she said goodbye with a kiss in the cheek, maybe i didn't had a type. The afternoon was cold but far from freezing, I was still feeling a bit uneasy about the veracity of the world-ending Haruhi situation. It wasn't for lack of evidence, obviously, I was still hopeful that no one in this world had Pandora's Box; much less in the state Haruhi is. I look at the people on the street and ask myself an extremely peculiar question, but then I remember hypothetical questions make me feel weird.

6

As I said before, Itsuki isn't my favorite person; and the dislike comes from an unfair and stupid place. His smile reminded me of my father and I wasn't in the best son/father relationship. Itsuki dresses like business men that loose his jacket (in a good way) always in shirts and fancy pants; kind of like Daniel Craig's James Bond but more Japanese.

I like rainy days, I like everything about them except the part where you get wet. It was a simple day, that is to say, without much Haruhi in it. She was networking a little bit after a meeting, with is good for productivity and keeps her from thinking about boring things. But as I said, it was raining a lot when I got outside the building and the way to the train station was a little too far for doing a getting soaked run. But then Itsuki bumped my shoulder and told me – come on tin man, I'll give you a ride – just when I thought that today was going to be weird free, I guess wanted to get home more than what I hated it – ok, better now than later –

He has a fancy Nissan, way out of his budget, but of course it was – don't check your salary for errors, my father help me with the car why does that sound made up? in any case, how everything? – The thought of his concerned made my chuckle – I don't think my wellbeing makes you lose sleep, but work is going really good… excluding the fantasy part – he putted classical music from his phone and then said to me:

– Why do you think is raining today? – Itsuki said like a gentlemen

– I'm not in the mood for bullsh*t, I'm never was and I'll never be –

– Kyon… why do you have to so difficult – He pause a second and sigh

– What do you propose? Stop being a d*ck? How dare you? –

– All right Kyon, be nihilistic, I'll be direct – he sighed in resignation – How do you feel about Haruhi? –

– What is that supposed to mean? – he stopped in a red light and told me – I'm going to level with you, we know exactly where we all stand but we don't know what's the deal with you, like things are looking, that's scary – I started to notice desperation in his demeanor, so I decided to – I believe the science fiction setting you painted for me, but from where I'm standing Haruhi just looks like a whimsical creature, nothing more –

We fell into silence for a couple of seconds, the rainy streets felt almost alien and inviting to me – I will not entreating the concept of a capricious Moe god without evidence – his (usually) stupid smile conveyed a feeling of understanding this time – Kyon, I don't understand my nature myself… sometimes a fulfill small desires and I got a strong feeling I'm going to be there at the end – he stopped in front of my house – all I know is that we all gravitate Haruhi, including you –

He left me in front of my house thinking about how much did everyone knew about me. That was a certain lull in the rainy sky, like trying to remain quiet so it won't miss something. My sister was already home, it was quite early for my usual time of arrival but it meant quality time with my family. My mother gets home late so lest be honest, my little sister is the lady of the house… she calls the shots around here. She was not build for small feats and my mother and I weren't going to let it go to waste.

We played Shougi for a little bit until I had to start cooking, but that time something different interrupted the battle. Someone was at the door – I hope mom didn't lose her keys – but when I arrived at the entrance it was Haruhi, just out of a business meeting where alcohol was encourage – Kyon, can I stay in your place for a bit – she needed to sober up so I let her in, she ended up playing (loosing super hard) with my sister while I cooked diner. A little bit later my mother got home so I introduced them; in hindsight Haruhi knew how to operate really well under the influence.

While I was doing the dishes it down on me; this was a really strange night for my small family… I wandered what type of girlfriend would Haruhi be – now that's a weird thought – my mother approached me from the back, remained in silence for a few seconds – so she's your boss, she knows how to handle her alcohol… do you like her? – I looked at my mom with the unfair question face – then I guess you do have a type, Kyon – my mother made think a little bit more about Haruhi, the universe and everything in between.

After proper goodnights – come on Haruhi, my house entrance is next door – now a little more sober she said – you live next door? – I realize it was a little confusing – this house has been in my family for a long time now, so my grandfather's grandfather build a second house upstairs so the family could remained together but separated… so it's my house until my sister gets marry – when I turn to looked at her, she was a million kilometers away trying to forget something.

– Haruhi, are you ok? –

– I'm sorry… just a little out of it, must be the alcohol –

– You can sleep in my bed; I'll sleep in the futon in the living room –

– Kyon, thank you for enduring me –

– It's my pleasure big boss… now rest the alcohol away –

Right before going to bed an image came into my head, so I decided to draw for a little bit. The final drawing was a girl with a fanny pack and a backpack siting in a street, looking at bifurcation decorated with a broken street sign. The image seemed familiar and frustrating somehow; on the other hand I associated it with Haruhi… lately everything is about Haruhi. I looked mi phone and notice a message from Itsuki that said: I trust your judgment… just don't look back. Trying to rationalize the message distracted me for a second, but immediately a realize that a kid was standing in front of me, that sixteen year old was called Suzumya Haruhi.

7

Haruhi was cross-legged on top of my table humming what appears to be Première Gymnopédie, she was drawing… no, she was putting a jigsaw puzzle together. The room started to dim, like engulf in darkness until only us remained in the crossfire of invisible spotlights. She was not disturbed by any occurrence; after all, it was her doing it. But why is this happening and why right now… f*ck, what is actually happening? – Haruhi! What is going on? – She looked at me and smile like she heard something different – tell me Kyon, are you coming or staying? –

I was unable of comprehend the situation, much less try to come up with a reply – you see Kyon, no all puzzle have on way to fit together – she stood up and kicked her puzzle away – I'll be honest my little mouse, I ran out of patience and I don't react very well under pressure – she jump out of the table and into water ¿? In a split second we were in a pool with other swimmers and spectators that appeared to not mind the clothed twenty three years old in the middle of it. Then I heard the gunshot and the swimmers jumped into the pool, the one in my line seemed familiar until the second he's about to impact with me I noticed everything changed again. I was dressed in classic noir detective; everything was in black and white with errors in my vision that make it looked like an old movie. Haruhi, looking like a femme fatale, clashed in my arms and says – why doesn't everything happen at the same time, it would be so much fun that way – two men appeared and pointed guns at us, Haruhi looked at their direction – maybe if – she fired the first shot.

A felt the sand between my fingers, the sun hitting my face and making me feel a little bit freer. Music was coming out of speakers plugged to a phone; Haruhi was dancing a few meters away from me, she looked like she was really happy. She stopped dead on her track, like pushing pause on a movie; she started to move towards me while talking – I got it! Not everything at one, but in a different way – her smile grew larger – space ships, never-ending summers, and espers fighting time-traveling aliens… we can make it, so it never ends – she said that last part right in my face.

Everything was so fast that I didn't have time to think of what to say. But the next transition was slow and easy; the whole beach descended into darkness until a reflector started illuminating me. I was in Wenbley stadium and the only person in the field was Haruhi… so I grab the microphone and – Haruhi! Are you ready to Rock! – Ah f*ck – I mean, why would you want to change it, what about our friends? – She made an apathy face – what would they think? What would everyone in the universe think? If you change it just for you –

A group of faceless workers started building a scenario for Haruhi while I was talking; they moved at a normal speed but finished in an instant. Haruhi grabbed her microphone – that's why a said if you're coming? – People started entering the stadium – why would I want to end it all? – Musicians started entering the stages – Kyon, is not about ending things, it's about not being bored, let me show you what's ending – the band started to play and the universe loosed track of us.

I started to feel the stainless steel puncturing my forearm until it hits the Ulna, but that didn't stop the knife. When it finished its path through my arm I could tell where I was; it was my living room again, but I was 17 and on top of my sister. Please don't misunderstand the situation; it was my father holding the knife and I was trying to shield my sister from anything flying of the now flipped table, my mother didn't have time to react but she was starting to. I didn't had time to feel physical pain when I saw Sasaki in front of me, in her knees, cover in blood while crying and screaming on top of her lungs, the anger and denial in her tightly shut eyes, slowly descending into devastation. The face of a crying Yuki. The anger in Itsuki. The disappointment of the sexy Mikuru in the dark. The Mikuru in a muse T-shirt pointing a gun at me. Everything happened in in such a rapid succession that my only response was – F*ck… - and I vomit with intensity

We were inside of Tokyo tower, Haruhi was now in her thirties asking me – tell me Kyon, are you coming or staying? – I was at a loss; I couldn't form a sentence even under the terrifying circumstances. How could I tell Haruhi not to fix her problems when I would do it in a heartbeat? Why did I entertain a fight with hypocrisy then? My mind was in disarray and my heart was killing me… if a wanted to stop this… this… this world ending situation¿? Demit; if I wanted to convince Haruhi of not reinventing the wheel, I was going to need to think way harder than this!

The last minute felt like an eternity and I spend it going through possible sentences that contain different levels of hope in them. Haruhi started waking to me and stops in front of me, but from the back I spied a cigarette light and I heard – what if you sign it son? – Haruhi turns to see but it was too late, the idea was firmly lodge in my brain. Haruhi is an old world blues monster and in that moment I knew how to appeal to her sensibilities.

With my smile the world went to the 1960s; Haruhi dressed beautiful dress and my black fedora were the first details. The band, the audience, the bartender, etc… each detail was perfect for romantic storytelling. I tipped my hat to the band and I started signing "The best is yet to come". Every note and every word echoes through the room, all the cliché were invited and in attendance. All of my hope was in this gamble, but why? To save my eccentric new friends… or is it simpler, I want to travel the path less travel. Wow my mom is right, I really do have a type.

– And you're gonna be mine – the final word was the cherry on top of the song and the whole room started looking Haruhi with anticipation. Haruhi looked to her left and then to her right in a council manner with a red face and said – what? You still haven't answered my question – everyone in the universe face palm and I think someone on the back laugh a little bit. Haruhi's expression was almost back to normal, maybe my interpretation… my lack of theatricality. Then I remember that I just need to give it time, after all maybe my d*ck can save the world

I grabbed Haruhi's shoulders and let loose – you know Haruhi, I definitely have a type – I kissed Haruhi with all the passion that movies don't have, I softly let go of her lips while feeling our breaths on them. I looked down and saw I bunch of drawings of everything in my adventure including the Sinatra kiss, I checked myself to see if I was intact and everything looked normal. I did a final check on Haruhi; she was sleeping safe and sound. And check my phone with have 3 messages, but I fell asleep before reading them.

During breakfast Haruhi avoided my gaze in hopes that I don't notice her red face and half smile. Still averting her gaze, she asks me – Kyon, do you like a certain type of woman? – I started to laugh and she got super red. On our way out we crossed my little sister on her way to school; I got the feeling that Haruhi was melancholic. But this time she decided to do something productive with it – Kyon! Would you quit your job if I gave you a good reason? –

– What would that reason be? –

She sighted with weariness

– See, you always have an answer! Instead of staying quiet or getting a red face –

– Just ask the question Haruhi – I felt happy for some reason

– Kyon, would you like to go out with me? As in a date… with coffee… and a fat d*ck… and your d*ck too… maybe–

Can a god create a stone so heavy he cannot lift? What if god wants a stone he cannot lift so when he has visits he can say – do you want to see this rock? I promise is super cool – what if she just wants something special…


End file.
